Papendick 2008

After hearing about the latest federal budget I'm thinking I should run for president in 2008.  I mean really, could I do any worse than about the last half dozen or so presidents?  So lets start with the basics…

When the US Visa (aka national debt) is approaching 10 trillions dollars, it's probably time to put the crack pipe down and start breathing some fresh "cash and carry" air!  Then again, maybe we should just keep spending until the rest of the world finally tells us we are full of shit, our money isn't worth anything and we can just piss off as the British like to say.  But our esteemed government can't do that, can they?  We are the almighty Americans after all.  We're always right…just ask us.

So anyhow, Dad just found out Mom's been lying about how she's been paying for all those new clothes.  He's pissed off (as he should be) and he just cut the credit card in half!  We can't keep spending money we don't have people.  There is no defense to this action.  Congress and the Whitehouse need a wake-up call from those who have to pay the freight…that's you and me if you haven't realized it.  So in short, if the money going out is more than the money coming you don't spend it.  The only justifiable expense for deficit spending is national defense in a time of war.  And no, the "war on terror" doesn't count, because we sink so much money into defense already that we should be able to deal with that within budget don't you think?  And no the war in Iraq doesn't qualify either because it's total bullshit if you believe that has anything to do with the war on terror.  It doesn't.  Well, at least it didn't until we destabilize the country before rounding up all the cretins who then flooded into the country.  Brilliant.  So now that we've let the current president's dog shit in the neighbors yard, we need to find the shovel, scoop up the mess and come on home right after we convince them that they can maintain their own lawn.  Sorry Iraq.  We're currently looking a higher fence or a stronger chain…

Social Security
The "third rail" of American politics as they like to say.  Guess what?  Go ahead, grab a hold of it, it's okay.  Why?  Because this president will pulled the plug, that's why!  Don't worry, like everything else we need to "make things" right first.  Thus once I pull the plug we will drain the remaining dollars out.  If you're over 60, relax.  You'll get everything you thought you had coming.  50-60?  You get 75%.  40-50, get's 50%.  30-40, you're down to 25%.  Under 30?  Better start saving or start packing your bags.  This US government is done running a minimalist retirement fund that 1) you couldn't support your dog on. And 2) It's not the governments job to play caretaker to the masses.  You are now empowered to invest in your own future, because nobody else is going too.  I also encourage you to help those less fortunate than you now that I've given you a nice tax break for life.  Still want a government that takes care of you when you are old and gray?  Move to Europe and start paying your 50%+ taxes because the good 'ol USA no longer plays in that arena.

Next up is this non-sense of submitting a budget without including things you know are going to require money.  Exhibit A this time is the Iraq war.  They are expected to ask for an additional $80 billion for this boondoggle.  Fine, as I said we need to clean up the mess.  But that need to be a line item in the budget because you know you need it, so stop trying to hide it.  The anticipated costs of fixing Social Security and/or creating personal retirement accounts should be there also, but we're going to let that slide because we're pulling the plug anyway.

We're going to now do some basic budget math.  FUNDS_AVAILABLE = ANTICIPATED_INCOME + SURPLUS - LAST_YEAR_OVER_BUDGET  So, if BUDGET > FUNDS_AVAILABLE, we're cutting straight across the board.  We're over by 10%?  Okay, everybody can expect 10% less this year.

Bottom-line: If you don't have the cash, you're not buying it.  End of government finance 101.

Gay Marriage
Oh for God's sake quit your bible thumping and get over it!  There's not enough support for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.  And why is that?  Because as much as most people are repulsed by (gasp) homosexuality, in the end they realize it really has little impact on their day to day lives.  I don't understand it either, but what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is their own business, not yours.  So if you're offended by gays, just cover little Johnny and Susie's eyes and tell them they will burn in Hell for eternity if they every consider such a thing.  That's your right as a parent.  But it is not your right to force other adults to conform to your intolerant views.

Abortion
It's really sad and unfortunate, but it's not your choice.  And yes, it is a choice.  Maybe not a choice you agree with, but again it's not your life that is being impacted by an outright ban on it, now is it?  We should strongly encourage alternatives, but in the end this is a private conversation between you and your maker.

Cloning & Stem Cell Research
The Genie is out of the bottle so stop trying to put it back.  Lets let research scientist get back into the lab to do research that might benefit all of us.  Stop dragging them into meeting and public forums to discuss whether they should be allowed to do what they do.  In the end I think you will find most of them are realistic about what they can, can't, should and shouldn't do.  So stem cell research get the green light.  Cloning might have some uses, but cloning people really serves no purpose other than further pumping up egomaniacs like "The Donald".  There's enough of these A-holes around, we don't need exact copies.  Thus lets not go there.

The Drug War
Ah, yes.  The drug war. AKA, a complete failure.  So following Mrs. Reagan's advice, we are going to "just say no"!  Can we stop wasting money in third-world countries now?  I say yes we can, and will.  And in an effort to alleviate the constant budget shortfalls and the rising national debt, the legalization of marijuana is just around the bend.  It's certainly no worse than cigarettes and alcohol.  If someone wants to smoke it, go ahead.  Just don't drive and don't complain that your insurance and health premiums are three times those who don't.  It's your choice, just choose wisely.

Alright that's enough for now.  I tired of spewing, but if you'd like to know what my opinion is on any other burning "issues" post it in the comments and I'll respond.

February 9, 2005 @ 12:55 pm | Category:
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